he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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