watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
