im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
