i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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