Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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