you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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