Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
