Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
