It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
