I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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