I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
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Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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