if only i could text you this smell
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
