It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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