Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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