Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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