You can't special order awesome
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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