I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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