Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
