her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
