I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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