I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
