Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
