the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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