so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
