Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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