I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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