when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
