ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
