tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
