its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
