I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
