I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
false alarm, still single
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
