I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
