turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
