He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it š
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
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