I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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