I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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