the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
