marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The ass gains better be worth it
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