Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
