dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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