SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
