Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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