Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
