The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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