We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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