He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
