I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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