I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
