I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
