We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
