I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
