i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
