how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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