Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
