I'm so fucking centered right now
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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